Lions Follies

Lions Follies stretches the truth about the Corps of Discovery

The Lions Follies runs April 4, 5, 10, 11 and 12 at the Hood River Middle School auditorium. Curtain is at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $7.50 for adults, $5.50 for children, with a 50 cent discount for early purchase. Tickets are available from Lions members, Waucoma Bookstore, U.S. Bank, Columbia River Bank, Windmaster Market, Jim’s Market, Mid-Valley Market, Studio 10 and Down Manor. All proceeds benefit the Oregon Lions Sight and Hearing Foundation.

A brief overview by director Bev Bridgewater

As the country begins its commemoration of the Lewis and Clark Journey of Discovery, the cast of the Lions Follies has decided to honor the famed expedition. Most people believe that there was only one set of explorers and the native Americans. But, this year’s Lions Follies will set the record straight — as long as you don’t mind stretching the truth, adding some music and enjoying lots of laughs.

In a quirk of mistaken identity, the hapless adventurers, Clueless and Lark, believe that they are the chosen ones to lead the expedition, and off they go! Once their girlfriends, Clarice and Meribelle, discover the error, they head West too.

The intrepid group is followed by the real Lewis and Clark, future President James Madison, a tribal chief, and his tribal members. The story winds its way along the Lewis and Clark trail where misadventures and excitement abound.

You may learn some surprising things about the expedition. For example, did you know that the explorers enjoyed French cuisine prepared by Pierre at the Bitterroot Cafe? Have you heard of Inga, the Snake River Beauty Consultant? Or Bob of Columbia Used Canoe Sales? All of these characters and more will make for an exciting and laugh-filled evening. If the story doesn’t quite seem authentic, you may be right. But, it’s in the spirit of fun and fund-raising for the Oregon Lions Sight and Hearing Foundation.

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Parkdale third graders sing "12 Disaster Days of Christmas"

Welcome to your sing-able Christmas gift list. What follows is an emergency rendition of “12 Days of Christmas” – for outfitting your home or car in case of snow storm, earthquake, flood or other emergency. Read it as a simple list, or sing it to the tune of “12 Days” – you know, as in “ … and a partridge in a pear tree…” Not to make light of it, but the song is a familiar framework for a set of gift ideas that you could consider gathering together, even if the recipient already owns items such as a bunch of coats, tire chains and flashlights. Stores throughout the Gorge are stocked up on all these items. Buying all 12 days might be prohibitive, but here are three ideas for checking any of the dozen off your list (notations follow, 1-12.) The gift items needed to stay warm, dry and safe are also coded to suggest items in your abode (A) in your car (C) or both (B). 12 Gallons of Water (A) 11 Family meals (B) 10 Cans of propane (A) 9 Hygiene bags (B) 8 Packs of batteries (A) 7 Spare coats (B) 6 Bright red flares (C) 5 Cozy blankets (B) 4 Tire chains (C) 3 Flashlights (B) 2 cell phone chargers (B) 1 And a crush-proof first aid kit (B) Price ranges? Here’s a few quotes for days Three, Two, Four and Nine: n A family gift of flashlights (three will run $15-30, Hood River Supply, Tum-A-Lum) n Cell phone chargers (two will run $30-60) n Tire chains (basic set, $30, Les Schwab, returnable if unused for the winter) n Family meals ($100 or so should cover the basics for three or four reasonably well-fed days) n The home kit should be kept in a handy place near an exit, and remember that water needs to be replenished every few months. If you have a solid first aid kit already, switch out the gift idea with “and-a-sto-o-u-t- tub-for it-all …” Otherwise, it’s a case of assembling your home or car kits and making sure all members of the family know what the resources are and how to use them (ie flares and propane). Emergency situations are at worst life-threatening, at best deeply uncomfortable if you and your family are left without power for an extended period, or traveling and find yourself in a situation where you need to wait out a storm, lengthy traffic delay, or other crisis. Notes on the 12 gift ideas: 12 – Gallons of water: that’s one per person in a four-member family to last for three days, the recommended minimum to be prepared for utility outages. 11 – Easy-open packaged goods, energy bars, dried food and nuts are good things to include for nutrition. Think of what your family of four needs for three days to stay fortified and hydrated (see number 12). Can-opener also recommended 10 – If you have a propane camping stove, keep extra fuel handy. 9 – Hygiene bags: put packaged moistened towelettes, toilet paper, and plastic ties in large garbage bags (for personal sanitation) Resource list courtesy of Hood River County Emergency Management, Barbara Ayers, manager/ 541-386-1213. The county also reminds residents to Get a Kit, Make A Plan to connect your family if separated, and Stay Informed. See to opt-in for citizen alerts. Enlarge

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