Friday, March 11, 2011
OK, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Jim, I know that last year you went to see 12 different bands, and that was well documented. And THIS Year, you are on a quest to see 12 different comedy shows.”
And the next logical step in your correct thinking, is, “can you, somehow, someway, combine these two facets, music and comedy, into ONE show, that would constitute an above-and-beyond unplanned “BONUS Show?”
And the answer, readers, as you may have already guessed, is:
Yes. It can.
Imagine the following, if you will.
Imagine having a video library of every single clip from the last 30 years or so, of each time someone mentioned your name on a talk show, commercial, cartoon or sitcom.
Imagine having a complete costume change for every song, with the props to match. Like one of those motorized Segways, or a giant keyboard-guitar, cheerleaders, and an acoustic guitar that you can smash on stage.
Imagine creating your own TV talk-show, where you can edit the guest’s footage to say whatever you want them to.
Now, imagine this. An encore song, that features a Darth Vader character in full costume, six back-up dancers wearing full-on replicas of the iconic white Star Wars Stormtrooper outfits* -- while the lead singer struts the stage in a Luke Skywalker robe singing to the tune of Don McLean’s “American Pie.”
(*It’s so the reason why tickets cost $42 now-a-days)
Are we in the twilight zone yet?
Not quite, but it sure is weird, isn’t it?
Weird Al Yankovic
Roseland Theater, Portland
Aug. 3, 2010
So, it’s about 7:35 p.m., and I’m sitting in the Deschutes Brewery over on 11th. I decide to start walking over to the Roseland, over on Burnside.
I can’t believe I’m going to this show. I mean, this is a guy who hit the FM airwaves in about 1982, when we were cracking up over “Another One Rides the Bus.” To this day, one of the best lyrics is “I think I’m missing a contact lens, I think my wallet’s gone, and I think this bus is stopping again, to let a couple more freaks get on.”
Anyway, I’m heading over to the show, saying to myself, “I should be able to get up to the front, no problem.”
So I get there, and lines really aren’t too long. And I’m thinking, “Well, maybe this show won’t have too many people…..that would be a bummer….”
So I’m heading up the stairs. And I get to the ballroom.
And it’s a SEA OF CHAIRS. AND THEY’RE ALL FULL. OF PEOPLE.
I go to the bar. They don’t have beer. It’s an all-ages thing.
As I unscrew the cap to my water bottle a man in a Hawaiian shirt with an accordion hits the stage.
It’s gonna be a fun night.
An updated version of Polkas on 45 (Gaga, Bieber, Pink, Perry)
Frank’s 2000 Inch TV
The world’s shortest drum solo.
You Don’t Love Me Anymore (smashes acoustic guitar in frustration)
A tribute to the Simpsons - Video
Smells Like Nirvana
Interview with Robert Plant - Video
George of the Jungle
Interview with Jessica Simpson (AL TV)
Wheel of Fish Video
Madonna Interview Video
Dare to be Stupid
Charles Nelson Reily
Let Me Be Your Hog
Interview with Avril/Movie on germs
Wanna B Ur Lovr
The Official Weird Movie Trailer
Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies
I’m In Love with the Skipper
Yabba Dabba Do
Another One Rides the Bus
Trapped in the Drive Thru
Micheal Stipe (REM) interview-video
Snoop Dog Interview
Celene Dion interview
White and Nerdy (rolling around on a Segway machine)
Be nice to your teeth movie
We All have Cell Phones
The Saga Begins
Yoda (with Yoda Chant)
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Parkdale third graders sing "12 Disaster Days of Christmas"
Welcome to your sing-able Christmas gift list. What follows is an emergency rendition of “12 Days of Christmas” – for outfitting your home or car in case of snow storm, earthquake, flood or other emergency. Read it as a simple list, or sing it to the tune of “12 Days” – you know, as in “ … and a partridge in a pear tree…” Not to make light of it, but the song is a familiar framework for a set of gift ideas that you could consider gathering together, even if the recipient already owns items such as a bunch of coats, tire chains and flashlights. Stores throughout the Gorge are stocked up on all these items. Buying all 12 days might be prohibitive, but here are three ideas for checking any of the dozen off your list (notations follow, 1-12.) The gift items needed to stay warm, dry and safe are also coded to suggest items in your abode (A) in your car (C) or both (B). 12 Gallons of Water (A) 11 Family meals (B) 10 Cans of propane (A) 9 Hygiene bags (B) 8 Packs of batteries (A) 7 Spare coats (B) 6 Bright red flares (C) 5 Cozy blankets (B) 4 Tire chains (C) 3 Flashlights (B) 2 cell phone chargers (B) 1 And a crush-proof first aid kit (B) Price ranges? Here’s a few quotes for days Three, Two, Four and Nine: n A family gift of flashlights (three will run $15-30, Hood River Supply, Tum-A-Lum) n Cell phone chargers (two will run $30-60) n Tire chains (basic set, $30, Les Schwab, returnable if unused for the winter) n Family meals ($100 or so should cover the basics for three or four reasonably well-fed days) n The home kit should be kept in a handy place near an exit, and remember that water needs to be replenished every few months. If you have a solid first aid kit already, switch out the gift idea with “and-a-sto-o-u-t- tub-for it-all …” Otherwise, it’s a case of assembling your home or car kits and making sure all members of the family know what the resources are and how to use them (ie flares and propane). Emergency situations are at worst life-threatening, at best deeply uncomfortable if you and your family are left without power for an extended period, or traveling and find yourself in a situation where you need to wait out a storm, lengthy traffic delay, or other crisis. Notes on the 12 gift ideas: 12 – Gallons of water: that’s one per person in a four-member family to last for three days, the recommended minimum to be prepared for utility outages. 11 – Easy-open packaged goods, energy bars, dried food and nuts are good things to include for nutrition. Think of what your family of four needs for three days to stay fortified and hydrated (see number 12). Can-opener also recommended 10 – If you have a propane camping stove, keep extra fuel handy. 9 – Hygiene bags: put packaged moistened towelettes, toilet paper, and plastic ties in large garbage bags (for personal sanitation) Resource list courtesy of Hood River County Emergency Management, Barbara Ayers, manager/ 541-386-1213. The county also reminds residents to Get a Kit, Make A Plan to connect your family if separated, and Stay Informed. See www.co.hood-river.or.us to opt-in for citizen alerts. Enlarge