February 2010

What could be dumber than “Dumb and Dumber?” (A Grammar School Flashback)

Well, I must say the February comedy show was quite a departure for me.

Since I’m not into the counter-culture lifestyle, those of you who really know me will certainly get a chuckle out of who I went to see.

I guess there were two reasons I went to the show. One reason was due to age. That would be, MY age, for one, as in I’m not getting any younger; and THEIR age, or more appropriately, their condition. I mean, sort of like Keith Richards, statistically, these guys probably shouldn’t be alive. I thought, if I don’t see them now, I never will.

The other reason dates back to my 1970-73 grade-school days. It’s one of these memories that keep floating around in my brain. I distinctly remember a few classmates who used to constantly imitate a skit these guys did on one of their records. You remember vinyl records, right? It was a skit about some sort of teacher, who couldn’t get her class quiet.

Sister Mary Elephant.

Now, what that means is, there were only two places in school that I could have heard that skit on a record.

One place would have been in art class, where we had a record player that was constantly being used. But, honestly, I don’t think I heard the skit in that class, because art class was the place where we heard Queen, ELO, New Riders of the Purple Sage, and Cheap Trick.

We were pretty hip back then.

The other place would have been in my Spanish class.

Yes, you read that right, my Spanish class.

You see, we had this teacher, Mrs. M. (the last name escapes me - it was something like “mee-cee” or “mi-cee”). She was a sweet, older lady. At the end of each class, she would let students choose from one of the many records people would bring her. I still remember the album covers being propped up on the chalk-rail. This has gotta be where I heard this skit.

It’s funny to think now that our little ol-Spanish teacher may have been hipper than we knew.

So, the other day, I’m surfing around on YouTube. And there it is. The original Sister Mary Elephant Skit, “lip-synched” by some little grade-school kid.

He couldn’t have been more than 10 or 11.

Some things never change.

[Note: Talk about a show for 21-and-over only. Holy cow, most of the language used can’t and will not be repeated here, and that was just the OPENING ACT. Really, if you plan to do any Google research on these guys, please use caution as most of the material is for mature audiences only.]

Cheech and Chong

Feb. 12, 2010

Arlene Schnitzer Hall, Portland

Opening act: Shelby Chong (Wife of Tommy Chong)

Hello Portland

Tiger Woods’ wife is a better golfer

Palin for President?

I have a 21 yr old still in high school

These Cantaloupes Would Make Groovy Shoes

Late Night Chinese Restaurant

Cheech & Chong

Intro: Bellingham has a small airport, I think the search dog remembered me.


Which one is Cheech, and which one is Chong?

Cheech – what happened to your mustache? (It will all be revealed in the final episode of “Lost”) (or Cheech’s wife got it in the divorce)

Why did you break up? (Tommy – I didn’t know we were broken up for 4 years. I went to a Cheech and Chong movie and I wasn’t in it.)

Trivia Game

What was the name of Cheech’s main character in Nash Bridges?

Who was the director of the Quentin Tarantino’s movie Dust til Dawn?

History lesson of how the pair met up. Their first record was made with $1000 and a Tape Recorder. “It’s the only time we ever rehearsed.”

Dave’s Not Here Skit

Santa Claus and his Old Lady (2010)

Let’s Make a Deal

Music segment

Me and my old lady

Tribute to Ray Charles

Tribute to James Brown (Save the Whales)

Does your Mother Know About Me?*

*Interesting note: Tommy Chong has a songwriting credit on this song – it was covered by Diana Ross on her “Love Child” album.

Tommy Chong monologue

Cheech’s hillbilly character “Red”

Tommy’s “Blind Melon Chittlin” blues character

Cheech’s “The King and Queen of Rock and Roll: Alice Bowie”

(This had to be the funniest part of the show. A full-grown man in a pink tutu, Mickey Mouse ears and rock guitar outfit lip synching to a power rock song. At the end of the song he walks off with a walker.

Thoughts about the Bible


Born in East LA (Think “Born in the USA with a bit of “Dancing with the Stars”)

(I’m a) Mexican-American (parody song)

Get it legal (parody song)

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Latest video:

Parkdale third graders sing "12 Disaster Days of Christmas"

Welcome to your sing-able Christmas gift list. What follows is an emergency rendition of “12 Days of Christmas” – for outfitting your home or car in case of snow storm, earthquake, flood or other emergency. Read it as a simple list, or sing it to the tune of “12 Days” – you know, as in “ … and a partridge in a pear tree…” Not to make light of it, but the song is a familiar framework for a set of gift ideas that you could consider gathering together, even if the recipient already owns items such as a bunch of coats, tire chains and flashlights. Stores throughout the Gorge are stocked up on all these items. Buying all 12 days might be prohibitive, but here are three ideas for checking any of the dozen off your list (notations follow, 1-12.) The gift items needed to stay warm, dry and safe are also coded to suggest items in your abode (A) in your car (C) or both (B). 12 Gallons of Water (A) 11 Family meals (B) 10 Cans of propane (A) 9 Hygiene bags (B) 8 Packs of batteries (A) 7 Spare coats (B) 6 Bright red flares (C) 5 Cozy blankets (B) 4 Tire chains (C) 3 Flashlights (B) 2 cell phone chargers (B) 1 And a crush-proof first aid kit (B) Price ranges? Here’s a few quotes for days Three, Two, Four and Nine: n A family gift of flashlights (three will run $15-30, Hood River Supply, Tum-A-Lum) n Cell phone chargers (two will run $30-60) n Tire chains (basic set, $30, Les Schwab, returnable if unused for the winter) n Family meals ($100 or so should cover the basics for three or four reasonably well-fed days) n The home kit should be kept in a handy place near an exit, and remember that water needs to be replenished every few months. If you have a solid first aid kit already, switch out the gift idea with “and-a-sto-o-u-t- tub-for it-all …” Otherwise, it’s a case of assembling your home or car kits and making sure all members of the family know what the resources are and how to use them (ie flares and propane). Emergency situations are at worst life-threatening, at best deeply uncomfortable if you and your family are left without power for an extended period, or traveling and find yourself in a situation where you need to wait out a storm, lengthy traffic delay, or other crisis. Notes on the 12 gift ideas: 12 – Gallons of water: that’s one per person in a four-member family to last for three days, the recommended minimum to be prepared for utility outages. 11 – Easy-open packaged goods, energy bars, dried food and nuts are good things to include for nutrition. Think of what your family of four needs for three days to stay fortified and hydrated (see number 12). Can-opener also recommended 10 – If you have a propane camping stove, keep extra fuel handy. 9 – Hygiene bags: put packaged moistened towelettes, toilet paper, and plastic ties in large garbage bags (for personal sanitation) Resource list courtesy of Hood River County Emergency Management, Barbara Ayers, manager/ 541-386-1213. The county also reminds residents to Get a Kit, Make A Plan to connect your family if separated, and Stay Informed. See www.co.hood-river.or.us to opt-in for citizen alerts. Enlarge

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