September 2010

World Peace through Comedy

Talk about ethnic diversity. The performers were from Ohio, New Jersey, and Washington, D.C. The gal from New Jersey had cerebral palsy, and she didn’t want you to feel sorry for her, at all. And each had a cultural heritage that very much influenced their lives.

The audience just may have been the most represented audience from a region of the world that I’ve never been to. There were people from Lebanon, Egypt, Palestine, Syria, Iraq, Libya, Morocco, Saudi Arabia and Jordan.

And on top of that, whites and even American Indian. Sorry if I missed anyone. (If you were there, and you’re reading this, please let me know!)

It was fitting that one of the performers said, “Everyone has a family member that is funny. Comedy is one of those things that cuts through.”

And for about two hours, it did.

The whole place couldn’t stop laughing, and I think the whole world should see this show.

Arabs Gone Wild

Sept. 19, 2010

Portland, Aladdin Theater

Dean Obeidallah (host)

Jimmy Goson

Maysoon Zayid

Aron Kader

Opening Act: Homeless Backgammon players become friends

Dean Obeidallah:

Hello Portland!

We started 15 minutes late, which for real Arabs is early. (Real Arabs haven’t left the house yet.)

Ideas for an Arab superhero (he’s late to every event)

How Arabs watch movies

Jimmy Goson

Welcome to the “Work for Tabuli tour”

Arab on a Bluetooth

Never admit you don’t know

Arabs are Experts

Opinions on Arabic restaurants

The main talk during lunch? What's for dinner.

Hummus Commercials, and Grade School Pita Bread

Not big drinkers, 13 bucks for a martini Hummus Commercial Grade School Some Arabic food could put Metamucil out of business

Arab women are the best dressers.

I bought my wife a Gold Bracelet Starter Kit.

Popular Plastic Surgery

Bury Me at Nordstrom’s

I don’t want my kids on the Bachleor

Pop songs need Arabic lyrics

Muchas Gracias

LA gangs gone green

Ellis Island protocol

My Grandmother was a ninja

Arabic Time Excuse

Using My Italian Heritage

The underwear Bomber

I Got Booed during the hostage crisis

Arabs Hate to say Goodbye

Dean Obeidallah Host:

Never cheat on an Arab woman

Saying an English word with an Arabic accent

There are 1300 illegal aliens in my apt. building

I Like Tiger Woods

Don’t Buy the Rosetta Stone (the boy is under the plane)


GW wrote a book?!

Snoop Dog for Dept. of Agriculture

Have you been to the Olive Garden?

The difference between the Mafia and Al Queda

No one is going to steal your Arab name

The new body scan technology

How to get through the Airport

Getting around Beirut

Arab dinner check protocol

Maysoon Zayid

I Am not Drunk

I have cerebral palsy. Don’t feel bad for me for being disabled.

Handicapped Parking

How my parents got together

Going Back to the Homeland

My best friend thought I was from Pakistan

I look nervous in airports (and my dad looks like Saddam)

Wedding season in Palestine

I got engaged to a Palestinian Unicorn

Arab proposals

My fiancé has one eyebrow

Never give a refugee a price scanning gun

Visiting the Harry Potter theme park

I’ll throw the bouquet forward

I’ll put my Bridesmaids in burkas

No candle dances for Me

Shaking hands with Yasser Arafat at the UN

I’ll do my last joke in Arabic

Dean Obeidallah Host:

Arab movie ideas

Aron Kader

Rap singers have strong lungs?

Various Arab dances

We don’t have a home, but thanks for asking

Pakistanian Excitement

Finding out where you’re from

Never a follow up question if you’re a Palestinian

Two Arabs walk into a Bar - the 45 minute Saga

How my grandfather got his name

Al and Darth, two names for my kids

Illegal Immigration Crisis? Potential Guacamole Crisis

NASCAR should be safe

American Citizen Idol-Vote Now

Don’t play Soccer on my Basketball Court

Car Mechanic Language Barrier The Price is Not Right

Are you from the South?

Dr Phil and George Bush

Obama’s voice

Dating a girl who likes Country Music

Why rap is bad now

Country Music fans don’t have computers

A Modern country music concert

Beer and Nachos - Yes, Dreams, No

A tribute to Alan Jackson

Guys and Girls getting new shirts

How guys and girls talk about getting new shirts

The Reason Guys Listen? There’s a Test Later

A guys quota for Words fills up at about 4 in the afternoon

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Parkdale third graders sing "12 Disaster Days of Christmas"

Welcome to your sing-able Christmas gift list. What follows is an emergency rendition of “12 Days of Christmas” – for outfitting your home or car in case of snow storm, earthquake, flood or other emergency. Read it as a simple list, or sing it to the tune of “12 Days” – you know, as in “ … and a partridge in a pear tree…” Not to make light of it, but the song is a familiar framework for a set of gift ideas that you could consider gathering together, even if the recipient already owns items such as a bunch of coats, tire chains and flashlights. Stores throughout the Gorge are stocked up on all these items. Buying all 12 days might be prohibitive, but here are three ideas for checking any of the dozen off your list (notations follow, 1-12.) The gift items needed to stay warm, dry and safe are also coded to suggest items in your abode (A) in your car (C) or both (B). 12 Gallons of Water (A) 11 Family meals (B) 10 Cans of propane (A) 9 Hygiene bags (B) 8 Packs of batteries (A) 7 Spare coats (B) 6 Bright red flares (C) 5 Cozy blankets (B) 4 Tire chains (C) 3 Flashlights (B) 2 cell phone chargers (B) 1 And a crush-proof first aid kit (B) Price ranges? Here’s a few quotes for days Three, Two, Four and Nine: n A family gift of flashlights (three will run $15-30, Hood River Supply, Tum-A-Lum) n Cell phone chargers (two will run $30-60) n Tire chains (basic set, $30, Les Schwab, returnable if unused for the winter) n Family meals ($100 or so should cover the basics for three or four reasonably well-fed days) n The home kit should be kept in a handy place near an exit, and remember that water needs to be replenished every few months. If you have a solid first aid kit already, switch out the gift idea with “and-a-sto-o-u-t- tub-for it-all …” Otherwise, it’s a case of assembling your home or car kits and making sure all members of the family know what the resources are and how to use them (ie flares and propane). Emergency situations are at worst life-threatening, at best deeply uncomfortable if you and your family are left without power for an extended period, or traveling and find yourself in a situation where you need to wait out a storm, lengthy traffic delay, or other crisis. Notes on the 12 gift ideas: 12 – Gallons of water: that’s one per person in a four-member family to last for three days, the recommended minimum to be prepared for utility outages. 11 – Easy-open packaged goods, energy bars, dried food and nuts are good things to include for nutrition. Think of what your family of four needs for three days to stay fortified and hydrated (see number 12). Can-opener also recommended 10 – If you have a propane camping stove, keep extra fuel handy. 9 – Hygiene bags: put packaged moistened towelettes, toilet paper, and plastic ties in large garbage bags (for personal sanitation) Resource list courtesy of Hood River County Emergency Management, Barbara Ayers, manager/ 541-386-1213. The county also reminds residents to Get a Kit, Make A Plan to connect your family if separated, and Stay Informed. See to opt-in for citizen alerts. Enlarge

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