Friday, March 11, 2011
Talk about ethnic diversity. The performers were from Ohio, New Jersey, and Washington, D.C. The gal from New Jersey had cerebral palsy, and she didn’t want you to feel sorry for her, at all. And each had a cultural heritage that very much influenced their lives.
The audience just may have been the most represented audience from a region of the world that I’ve never been to. There were people from Lebanon, Egypt, Palestine, Syria, Iraq, Libya, Morocco, Saudi Arabia and Jordan.
And on top of that, whites and even American Indian. Sorry if I missed anyone. (If you were there, and you’re reading this, please let me know!)
It was fitting that one of the performers said, “Everyone has a family member that is funny. Comedy is one of those things that cuts through.”
And for about two hours, it did.
The whole place couldn’t stop laughing, and I think the whole world should see this show.
Arabs Gone Wild
Sept. 19, 2010
Portland, Aladdin Theater
Dean Obeidallah (host)
Opening Act: Homeless Backgammon players become friends
We started 15 minutes late, which for real Arabs is early. (Real Arabs haven’t left the house yet.)
Ideas for an Arab superhero (he’s late to every event)
How Arabs watch movies
Welcome to the “Work for Tabuli tour”
Arab on a Bluetooth
Never admit you don’t know
Arabs are Experts
Opinions on Arabic restaurants
The main talk during lunch? What's for dinner.
Hummus Commercials, and Grade School Pita Bread
Not big drinkers, 13 bucks for a martini Hummus Commercial Grade School Some Arabic food could put Metamucil out of business
Arab women are the best dressers.
I bought my wife a Gold Bracelet Starter Kit.
Popular Plastic Surgery
Bury Me at Nordstrom’s
I don’t want my kids on the Bachleor
Pop songs need Arabic lyrics
LA gangs gone green
Ellis Island protocol
My Grandmother was a ninja
Arabic Time Excuse
Using My Italian Heritage
The underwear Bomber
I Got Booed during the hostage crisis
Arabs Hate to say Goodbye
Dean Obeidallah Host:
Never cheat on an Arab woman
Saying an English word with an Arabic accent
There are 1300 illegal aliens in my apt. building
I Like Tiger Woods
Don’t Buy the Rosetta Stone (the boy is under the plane)
GW wrote a book?!
Snoop Dog for Dept. of Agriculture
Have you been to the Olive Garden?
The difference between the Mafia and Al Queda
No one is going to steal your Arab name
The new body scan technology
How to get through the Airport
Getting around Beirut
Arab dinner check protocol
I Am not Drunk
I have cerebral palsy. Don’t feel bad for me for being disabled.
How my parents got together
Going Back to the Homeland
My best friend thought I was from Pakistan
I look nervous in airports (and my dad looks like Saddam)
Wedding season in Palestine
I got engaged to a Palestinian Unicorn
My fiancé has one eyebrow
Never give a refugee a price scanning gun
Visiting the Harry Potter theme park
I’ll throw the bouquet forward
I’ll put my Bridesmaids in burkas
No candle dances for Me
Shaking hands with Yasser Arafat at the UN
I’ll do my last joke in Arabic
Dean Obeidallah Host:
Arab movie ideas
Rap singers have strong lungs?
Various Arab dances
We don’t have a home, but thanks for asking
Finding out where you’re from
Never a follow up question if you’re a Palestinian
Two Arabs walk into a Bar - the 45 minute Saga
How my grandfather got his name
Al and Darth, two names for my kids
Illegal Immigration Crisis? Potential Guacamole Crisis
NASCAR should be safe
American Citizen Idol-Vote Now
Don’t play Soccer on my Basketball Court
Car Mechanic Language Barrier The Price is Not Right
Are you from the South?
Dr Phil and George Bush
Dating a girl who likes Country Music
Why rap is bad now
Country Music fans don’t have computers
A Modern country music concert
Beer and Nachos - Yes, Dreams, No
A tribute to Alan Jackson
Guys and Girls getting new shirts
How guys and girls talk about getting new shirts
The Reason Guys Listen? There’s a Test Later
A guys quota for Words fills up at about 4 in the afternoon
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Parkdale third graders sing "12 Disaster Days of Christmas"
Welcome to your sing-able Christmas gift list. What follows is an emergency rendition of “12 Days of Christmas” – for outfitting your home or car in case of snow storm, earthquake, flood or other emergency. Read it as a simple list, or sing it to the tune of “12 Days” – you know, as in “ … and a partridge in a pear tree…” Not to make light of it, but the song is a familiar framework for a set of gift ideas that you could consider gathering together, even if the recipient already owns items such as a bunch of coats, tire chains and flashlights. Stores throughout the Gorge are stocked up on all these items. Buying all 12 days might be prohibitive, but here are three ideas for checking any of the dozen off your list (notations follow, 1-12.) The gift items needed to stay warm, dry and safe are also coded to suggest items in your abode (A) in your car (C) or both (B). 12 Gallons of Water (A) 11 Family meals (B) 10 Cans of propane (A) 9 Hygiene bags (B) 8 Packs of batteries (A) 7 Spare coats (B) 6 Bright red flares (C) 5 Cozy blankets (B) 4 Tire chains (C) 3 Flashlights (B) 2 cell phone chargers (B) 1 And a crush-proof first aid kit (B) Price ranges? Here’s a few quotes for days Three, Two, Four and Nine: n A family gift of flashlights (three will run $15-30, Hood River Supply, Tum-A-Lum) n Cell phone chargers (two will run $30-60) n Tire chains (basic set, $30, Les Schwab, returnable if unused for the winter) n Family meals ($100 or so should cover the basics for three or four reasonably well-fed days) n The home kit should be kept in a handy place near an exit, and remember that water needs to be replenished every few months. If you have a solid first aid kit already, switch out the gift idea with “and-a-sto-o-u-t- tub-for it-all …” Otherwise, it’s a case of assembling your home or car kits and making sure all members of the family know what the resources are and how to use them (ie flares and propane). Emergency situations are at worst life-threatening, at best deeply uncomfortable if you and your family are left without power for an extended period, or traveling and find yourself in a situation where you need to wait out a storm, lengthy traffic delay, or other crisis. Notes on the 12 gift ideas: 12 – Gallons of water: that’s one per person in a four-member family to last for three days, the recommended minimum to be prepared for utility outages. 11 – Easy-open packaged goods, energy bars, dried food and nuts are good things to include for nutrition. Think of what your family of four needs for three days to stay fortified and hydrated (see number 12). Can-opener also recommended 10 – If you have a propane camping stove, keep extra fuel handy. 9 – Hygiene bags: put packaged moistened towelettes, toilet paper, and plastic ties in large garbage bags (for personal sanitation) Resource list courtesy of Hood River County Emergency Management, Barbara Ayers, manager/ 541-386-1213. The county also reminds residents to Get a Kit, Make A Plan to connect your family if separated, and Stay Informed. See www.co.hood-river.or.us to opt-in for citizen alerts. Enlarge