Rapping with D-Daddy: Home Boys

I think it was a lot easier being a father back in the good ol’ days, when all Dad had to do was come home from work, loosen his tie, take off his shoes, then sit back with a scotch and the afternoon paper until dinner was ready.

But it ain’t like that anymore.

Now you got ta be involved.

Kids give you problems you got ta solve.

It’s not easy being green,

it’s even harder being mean.

You got to scold ‘em,

‘n mold ‘em,

their laundry you got ta fold ‘em.

Can’t even get ‘em in the basket.

You tell ‘em do a task. It

ain’t getting done

without a forehead and a gun.

You’re stunned.

It’s easy,

it’s peasy,

but you got ta ask ‘em pleasey.

Stay home from school just feelin’ sneezey.

Bein’ dad is just a breeze.

Eat’n burritos,

Doritos,

a two-pound bag of Cheetos.

They’re crying,

they’re dying:

why don’t I ever buy them Fritos.

Askin’ money for the dance,

you take a chance;

you’re finding ‘em

grinding ‘em,

thinking total-body-cond’em.

Ta-da-dum-dee-dum.

One minute you’re golden,

the next it’s like you’re holdin’

what the dog left in the grass.

They’re brass,

give you sass;

you want to kick them in the.

You’re thinkin’ drugs and thugs

so you give ‘em lots of hugs.

But they’re older

and bolder,

squintin’ eyes that kinda smolder.

Just want to keep your kids alive,

then you teach ‘em how to drive

the car,

it ain’t far.

They want bling and things;

if it ain’t gold it ain’t a ring.

Thinkin’ money is funny,

dip their hand in like it’s honey.

You earn it,

they burn it,

you hope one day they’ll learn it

ain’t easy make a livin’

if all you do is give. In

the end, though, what you got

is two boys you love a lot.

n

Craig Danner is a novelist and a physician assistant who lives and works in Hood River. You can contact him at 541-436-4144 or craig@wilsonstreetclinic.com.

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