Rapping with D-Daddy: Home Boys

I think it was a lot easier being a father back in the good ol’ days, when all Dad had to do was come home from work, loosen his tie, take off his shoes, then sit back with a scotch and the afternoon paper until dinner was ready.

But it ain’t like that anymore.

Now you got ta be involved.

Kids give you problems you got ta solve.

It’s not easy being green,

it’s even harder being mean.

You got to scold ‘em,

‘n mold ‘em,

their laundry you got ta fold ‘em.

Can’t even get ‘em in the basket.

You tell ‘em do a task. It

ain’t getting done

without a forehead and a gun.

You’re stunned.

It’s easy,

it’s peasy,

but you got ta ask ‘em pleasey.

Stay home from school just feelin’ sneezey.

Bein’ dad is just a breeze.

Eat’n burritos,


a two-pound bag of Cheetos.

They’re crying,

they’re dying:

why don’t I ever buy them Fritos.

Askin’ money for the dance,

you take a chance;

you’re finding ‘em

grinding ‘em,

thinking total-body-cond’em.


One minute you’re golden,

the next it’s like you’re holdin’

what the dog left in the grass.

They’re brass,

give you sass;

you want to kick them in the.

You’re thinkin’ drugs and thugs

so you give ‘em lots of hugs.

But they’re older

and bolder,

squintin’ eyes that kinda smolder.

Just want to keep your kids alive,

then you teach ‘em how to drive

the car,

it ain’t far.

They want bling and things;

if it ain’t gold it ain’t a ring.

Thinkin’ money is funny,

dip their hand in like it’s honey.

You earn it,

they burn it,

you hope one day they’ll learn it

ain’t easy make a livin’

if all you do is give. In

the end, though, what you got

is two boys you love a lot.


Craig Danner is a novelist and a physician assistant who lives and works in Hood River. You can contact him at 541-436-4144 or craig@wilsonstreetclinic.com.

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Parkdale third graders sing "12 Disaster Days of Christmas"

Welcome to your sing-able Christmas gift list. What follows is an emergency rendition of “12 Days of Christmas” – for outfitting your home or car in case of snow storm, earthquake, flood or other emergency. Read it as a simple list, or sing it to the tune of “12 Days” – you know, as in “ … and a partridge in a pear tree…” Not to make light of it, but the song is a familiar framework for a set of gift ideas that you could consider gathering together, even if the recipient already owns items such as a bunch of coats, tire chains and flashlights. Stores throughout the Gorge are stocked up on all these items. Buying all 12 days might be prohibitive, but here are three ideas for checking any of the dozen off your list (notations follow, 1-12.) The gift items needed to stay warm, dry and safe are also coded to suggest items in your abode (A) in your car (C) or both (B). 12 Gallons of Water (A) 11 Family meals (B) 10 Cans of propane (A) 9 Hygiene bags (B) 8 Packs of batteries (A) 7 Spare coats (B) 6 Bright red flares (C) 5 Cozy blankets (B) 4 Tire chains (C) 3 Flashlights (B) 2 cell phone chargers (B) 1 And a crush-proof first aid kit (B) Price ranges? Here’s a few quotes for days Three, Two, Four and Nine: n A family gift of flashlights (three will run $15-30, Hood River Supply, Tum-A-Lum) n Cell phone chargers (two will run $30-60) n Tire chains (basic set, $30, Les Schwab, returnable if unused for the winter) n Family meals ($100 or so should cover the basics for three or four reasonably well-fed days) n The home kit should be kept in a handy place near an exit, and remember that water needs to be replenished every few months. If you have a solid first aid kit already, switch out the gift idea with “and-a-sto-o-u-t- tub-for it-all …” Otherwise, it’s a case of assembling your home or car kits and making sure all members of the family know what the resources are and how to use them (ie flares and propane). Emergency situations are at worst life-threatening, at best deeply uncomfortable if you and your family are left without power for an extended period, or traveling and find yourself in a situation where you need to wait out a storm, lengthy traffic delay, or other crisis. Notes on the 12 gift ideas: 12 – Gallons of water: that’s one per person in a four-member family to last for three days, the recommended minimum to be prepared for utility outages. 11 – Easy-open packaged goods, energy bars, dried food and nuts are good things to include for nutrition. Think of what your family of four needs for three days to stay fortified and hydrated (see number 12). Can-opener also recommended 10 – If you have a propane camping stove, keep extra fuel handy. 9 – Hygiene bags: put packaged moistened towelettes, toilet paper, and plastic ties in large garbage bags (for personal sanitation) Resource list courtesy of Hood River County Emergency Management, Barbara Ayers, manager/ 541-386-1213. The county also reminds residents to Get a Kit, Make A Plan to connect your family if separated, and Stay Informed. See www.co.hood-river.or.us to opt-in for citizen alerts. Enlarge

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