Saturday, July 6, 2013
Back in 1959 when my wife, Donna, and I lived in Portland, I remember seeing some clever endeavor pedestrian signs that had a musical bent making them, shall we say, “noteworthy.” Here’s what those pedestrian signs proclaimed — and I’m not kidding: “C SHARP or B FLAT.” Since I was melodically inclined and knew 2½ chords on the guitar, I caught on right away.
But enough about 1958 pedestrian signs in Portland. Let’s return now to the Wild West and the terrible times when cowpunchers forced outrageously high prices for ammunition. Consequently there were quite a few trail signs that said: “Don’t go broke buying bullets — keep your holsters full at all times!” By the way, regarding cowpunchers: They really weren’t all that cruel; whenever they threw a right or left hook at their bovines, they always wore boxing gloves.
Unfortunately, history didn’t uncover much information about the very few cowpunchers who turned in their six shooters for squirt guns. They were called “The Wet and Wild Bunch” and most of them were hard of hearing as this detailed fast draw account reveals:
“Alright, thee awful-less, go for your water pistol!” “Would you kindly speak louder?” “For the last time, thee awful-less, go for your water pistol — Hey! Why are you getting on your horse?” “I’m going for your daughter Crystal like you said!”
Incidentally, “thee awful-less” acquired that unusual name the day he was born. The doctor said: “This is the awfuless looking baby I have ever seen.”
Not what we hoped
Dear Egyptian Military:
Here’s a little check for one billion dollars to help you buy war machinery from U.S. manufacturers. We hope you will use it wisely, but of course it is up to you.
Sincerely, U.S. Government, 2012
Dear U.S. Government:
Thank you for your thoughtful gift. We will use it to overthrow that democratically elected Muslim who had been bothering us. He’s got to go. You can probably convince the world that we didn’t actually pull off a coup d’état.
Sincerely, Egyptian Military, 2013
DaKine is the best
Kudos on your well-written article of June 26 about DaKine’s new waterfront digs. I was suspicious of Chico Bukovanski’s assertion that the location would enhance its product development because although the article said it was moving out of the Full Sail Brewery, it did not mention that it had moved next to the Pfriem Family brewery.
But sure enough, while taking a lunch break from my busy practice to sail at the Event Site, there was Chico — talking to the sailors and kiters and listening to their needs. DaKine truly is the best.
Sincerely, Timothy M.B. Farrell, attorney at law and proud owner of a top-of-the-line DaKine T6 harness featuring a dual Posi-Lock buckle sliding bar system, stainless steel spreader bar, with a comfy pre-curved P.E.B. inner support structure, nonslip featherweight ES foam molded interior, independent primary and secondary power belt to contain my expanding mid drift, and key pocket accessorized with a solo-bag having ample safety supply storage for my safety mirror, dye marker and shark repellent, a place for my emergency information ID card, and multiple harness attachment options side mounted for quick easy access.
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Sixth Annual Harvest Fest Pie Eating Contest
The sixth annual Pie Eating Contest at Hood River Harvest Fest is sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce and HRVHS youth service group Leaders for Tomorrow. HRVHS student Dylan Polewczyk won the 1-minute fruit-pie eating event. Key rule, as stated by Chamber President Jason Shaner, “You have to eat the pie, you can’t just dislocate it. We will be checking for pie dislocation.” Enlarge